If "legally" given a choice...

The question was asked first on LinkedIn where other answers can be found. My answer was:

“Dear Sheilah,

When I worked as the General Counsel of a major hospital, I ran into the legal aspects of this problem repeatedly. The "legal" way is a necessary way, especially when there is the possibility of a dispute among the family members. The problem is essentially every one wanting to be "responsible" and not knowing or agreeing how to.

When my father was in the last stages of his life, he no longer really recognized any of us. We decided not to take him to the hospital. We chose nursing care at my sister's home. It was centrally located for the rest of us family members. I will never forget my mother's exemplary actions that last day and night. We all watched as my dad seemed to be struggling to finish the race. He had shown us all such a good example all of our lives. It was mom who whispered in his ear, but loud enough for us all to hear:"It's okay, John. You have done your best. You may let go now." He passed away within a few hours. Or better put, he disappeared.

For, about a month later, after the funeral and the grieving was over, he reappeared to each of his family in manner different ways. He appeared in my dreams, young, in a white suit, boarding a train, waving to me. He loved sailing and, when the wind came up, he would drive out to the lake and go for a sail. I remember listening to Christopher Cross's song Sailing with him during his last waking days.

Now whenever the wind comes up, I know he is with me.

So my suggestion to you is that you make it known that you want to die in your home, with family and loved ones around you; that you want to say your au revoirs in person; and that you give objects or letters to each of your loved ones so they will use them as ways to remember you, but more importantly will decide to communicate with you on the basis of your still being alive, but in another form.

While all of that is for those who remain after you have passed away, the more critical decision for us, I believe, is the one each of us finally makes, based on the example of Lazarus. In the depths of our experience of complete darkness and total silence, we must hear the call to "Awake!"; realize who's calling us; and decide to walk out of our deaths to our new lives. When we follow this approach, we can truly let the dead bury the dead and the alive, celebrate the new creation.

Against this background of thoughts, I would not deny the significance of suffering. There is always hope, which is learned anew in the midst of suffering. Finally, I would recommend a book that may encourage more positive thinking about end-times.

It's called "A Travel Guide to Heaven" --- very light-hearted and a real surprise to me when I read it when I was in the hospital a few years ago. See the link below. All for now, more later. John”

What do you think?

Please include your comment here or contact me to discuss.

Thanks.

John Darrouzet